I was still a little upset as I sat in the hotel room, and wrote in my journal about all that had happened. The thing was, i did not want to believe that Nick and I were over. When Nick called, I expressed again how I felt, and by the end of the conversation, it was clear that I would be staying in Alabama.
I took a long shower before heading off to bed. Ever since I had these bleeding ulcerated tumors, I had been taking showers more frequently - sometimes three times a day. I sat on the floor in the shower stall, which was very tight, as there was only room for one person to stand in, it was that small. The song "Blood and Fire" by the indigo Girls was pouring out of my lips as the hot water covered my whole body. I did not want to get out, since the shower was the only comfortable place in my condition.
The next afternoon, Nick had to take his mother to the doctors, so while she was there, and clueless to my being in town, he came to pick me up and take me to an inn, where they charged rooms by the week. The hotel was $48 dollars a night, but the inn charged $175 for the week. We figured I'd stay there until we found a place, since it was the cheaper way to go. It didn't matter to me, as long as I had a bed and a television - two things I lacked in the four months I had been living in Georgia.
Nick checked me in, and explained to the innkeeper, Connie, of my condition. She seemed pretty cool and down to earth. We brought my things in and then went to the store, where i brought a few groceries to tie me over for the night. He then dropped me off and went to go pick his mother up. This was our goodbye for the evening.
I wouldn't be seeing Nick very much in the next few days, as he was busy catering to his mother while she recovered from her knee surgery, not to mention not only did he have to work, but he didn't have the gas money to make the 30 mile trip every day. Still, i guess i was happy because we were finally in the same time zone.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Lost Part 1
There he stood, at the bedroom door, pausing for a moment, almost as if he was afraid to enter for fear of what he might see. What he did see was a skinnier, deteroirated version of me, in which he hadn't laid eyes on in 2 months.
I sat there, on the floor, covered with a comforter, hiding my frailty when I looked up at his face. A thrill shot through me. I was happy to see my baby. There was a brief moment in reveling in the thought that he was my knight in shining armour, saving me from the hell I had only been experiencing for the last four months.
He approached me. I couldn't get up, but, i held my arms out to him, where he bent down as I gave him a big hug. It hurt to move. I hadn't finished getting my stuff together, as there was still a slight mess all over the bedroom floor. I couldn't move fast enough. I got dressed while sitting on the floor, as he began loading my things into the car.
Besides coming to get me, Nick's other reason for being in Atlanta, Ga was to look at a new car that he might be buying. we decided to take that rip, which was 45 minutes away. We never found the lot where the car was kept. I really wanted to get out of Atlanta, and being that Nick never cared for the place, so did he. I had left a few things at the apartment - boxes that couldn't fit in his car. I had planned on coming back to get them at a later time, and would have loved to have just left from this car search and head on to Alabama. Unfortunately, though, I had left my wallet with my license, credit cards, etc. in the apartment. There was no choice in the matter. We had to go back.I just wanted to get out of Alabama and leave the last horrid months behind. I was dying, and Nick was there to bring me back to life...so i thought.
When we got back, we sat in the bedroom for a bit. Nick pulled me to him and began to cry.
"What is it, baby?" I asked.
"I don't want to say it...but i have to..." He held me tighter."I think you need to go home".
HOME???WTF???
I was pissed. For months i had been waiting for him, and when he finally gets to me, he says this. I took that as if he did not want to be with me because i would be too much of a burden on him. So, I got mad...and it showed. i told him not to touch me and moved away, as he tried to grab a hold of me. Every time he put his arms around my waist, i moved them off. I was hurt. So, i explained to him that if I went back to Florida, we would not be together. And he told me that he was afraid if I were to stay with him, i was going to die. He said he realised this when he first saw me, and how sick I had become.
"So you would rather me go back home and not have me in your life."
"I'd rather you be alive."
Still angry, i seduced him into having sex with me, thinking this would be the last time.
"This isn't the last time we do this, is it?" He asked in the midst of our having sex.
"No", i replied. Yes. no. i don't know.
I had been living with a co-worker, and told him I would be coming back to get my things. Nick had not slept the night before, so his thinking wasn't exactly clear. His eyes were getting heavy at the wheel - so, we pulled over and I took over the driving. My eyes were no better. Every now and then, I'd swerve into another lane thanks to my heavy eyelids.
I actually began to wake up when i realised we were on the wrong road, and heading South. I woke him up.
'Nick", I said, "I think something's wrong."
I explained to him that i had seen no signs for any of the Alabama cities I was familiar with. But, I noticed we were going towards Macon, and were on I-75, which we should have gotten off of two hours ago...as I said, his thinking wasn't exactly clear.
By the time we got to Andalusia , it was after 11 pm. I checked into a hotel while Nick went back to his house.
I sat there, on the floor, covered with a comforter, hiding my frailty when I looked up at his face. A thrill shot through me. I was happy to see my baby. There was a brief moment in reveling in the thought that he was my knight in shining armour, saving me from the hell I had only been experiencing for the last four months.
He approached me. I couldn't get up, but, i held my arms out to him, where he bent down as I gave him a big hug. It hurt to move. I hadn't finished getting my stuff together, as there was still a slight mess all over the bedroom floor. I couldn't move fast enough. I got dressed while sitting on the floor, as he began loading my things into the car.
Besides coming to get me, Nick's other reason for being in Atlanta, Ga was to look at a new car that he might be buying. we decided to take that rip, which was 45 minutes away. We never found the lot where the car was kept. I really wanted to get out of Atlanta, and being that Nick never cared for the place, so did he. I had left a few things at the apartment - boxes that couldn't fit in his car. I had planned on coming back to get them at a later time, and would have loved to have just left from this car search and head on to Alabama. Unfortunately, though, I had left my wallet with my license, credit cards, etc. in the apartment. There was no choice in the matter. We had to go back.I just wanted to get out of Alabama and leave the last horrid months behind. I was dying, and Nick was there to bring me back to life...so i thought.
When we got back, we sat in the bedroom for a bit. Nick pulled me to him and began to cry.
"What is it, baby?" I asked.
"I don't want to say it...but i have to..." He held me tighter."I think you need to go home".
HOME???WTF???
I was pissed. For months i had been waiting for him, and when he finally gets to me, he says this. I took that as if he did not want to be with me because i would be too much of a burden on him. So, I got mad...and it showed. i told him not to touch me and moved away, as he tried to grab a hold of me. Every time he put his arms around my waist, i moved them off. I was hurt. So, i explained to him that if I went back to Florida, we would not be together. And he told me that he was afraid if I were to stay with him, i was going to die. He said he realised this when he first saw me, and how sick I had become.
"So you would rather me go back home and not have me in your life."
"I'd rather you be alive."
Still angry, i seduced him into having sex with me, thinking this would be the last time.
"This isn't the last time we do this, is it?" He asked in the midst of our having sex.
"No", i replied. Yes. no. i don't know.
I had been living with a co-worker, and told him I would be coming back to get my things. Nick had not slept the night before, so his thinking wasn't exactly clear. His eyes were getting heavy at the wheel - so, we pulled over and I took over the driving. My eyes were no better. Every now and then, I'd swerve into another lane thanks to my heavy eyelids.
I actually began to wake up when i realised we were on the wrong road, and heading South. I woke him up.
'Nick", I said, "I think something's wrong."
I explained to him that i had seen no signs for any of the Alabama cities I was familiar with. But, I noticed we were going towards Macon, and were on I-75, which we should have gotten off of two hours ago...as I said, his thinking wasn't exactly clear.
By the time we got to Andalusia , it was after 11 pm. I checked into a hotel while Nick went back to his house.
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